Those Words given by My Dad That Saved Me during my time as a New Dad

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider inability to open up between men, who still absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a respite - taking a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."